A time gap not a thigh gap

Sunday, January 8th, 2017: Long update post

Alright, sorry I have been MIA, things have been busy/not busy but boring. But there is a lot to catch you up on. This will be a more informative post with less pics, sorry peeps.

So what’s been going on? Since we last chatted we came home from Bright-wow what a trip (THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES, ANAT AND PETER). It was such a lovely getaway for the holidays. I am incredibly blessed to have this Aussie family of mine (for those of you that use the terrible phrase “my heart is so full” that is what I’m feeling, but I just say “I am so blessed”). And now, I’m even starting to hate that, so lets go with– I am incredibly grateful, ahhh much better (for now anyway). When we returned home, we settled back in and then realized that “shit! Tomorrow is New Years Eve!” Those of you that know me, know I hate this holiday purely because I think its driven towards couples (I am usually single) and its ludicrous to pay a ton of money to binge drink in the city (I do that most weekends without dressing like I’m going to Vegas). We made a minimal attempt to try to do anything because we were so late in planning, plus I don’t think any of us really cared. We were exhausted from our full week in Bright. We decided to just keep it low key and stress free. Ben (Jamie’s friend) came over and we bought a bunch of amazing food to bbq and we played drinking games all night. It was the perfect way to bring in the new year, good food and great friends. We played the new game I bought for my family: Drunk, Stoned or Stupid, and had a blast. My family will LOVE IT.

The new season of the American Bachelor started and we (Madeline and I) could not be more excited. Last year I filled out a bracket with my bestie Lana and her mom and this time I roped Madeline and Jamie into it. Watching the first episode was intense and was thoroughly enjoyed with a glass of wine. It is so hard to fill out the bracket without picking your own personal choices (if you were Nick Viall). My favorite girl based solely on the first episode is Vanessa. But she’s too practical of a choice, so I went with Tits Mcgee for the winner, Danielle L. Homegirl had her fabulous boobies out the first night and I think she’ll be a dark horse this season. I also can’t wait for Corinne to stir the pot with her “platinum vageen,” who says that about their vagina?? This season is going to be GOOD.


Next up, I’ve joined Tinder and Jswipe (the Jewish version of Tinder) purely on the merits that it will make for funny stories for my blog and I would like to attempt to date while here. You are probably thinking, “Kristin, you aren’t Jewish.” And you would be correct, however my Aussie family (mostly Aaron), told me to go for it. Anat keeps saying I need a nice Jewish man anyway. Aaron advised that you don’t need to be Jewish to be on there anyway. I will tell you this though, I have run out of swipes in my area and I have no matches for Jswipe yet. So either I’m not what they want or I’m too picky again. Tinder has been fun and time consuming. If you are thinking that it would be different and possibly better in a different country, let me crush your dreams. It is EXACTLY THE SAME here. Guys are still looking for a quick lay, they still put HORRIBLE pictures of themselves up (if you are wearing a hat and sunglasses that is an actual disguise bro) and either write a novella or nothing at all for their “about me” section. I have lowered my normal standards a bit based solely on the fact that if they have the Aussie accent, it brings them up a couple points.

**Tinder (not tender) Story time** My closer friends will get the full on version but for purposes of length (no pun intended), I’ll cut it short.

I swiped right on a guy who looks remarkably like an ex of mine (tall, dark and handsome), but way better and did not read his profile that read “if you can deep throat, we will be great friends.” After we started chatting (PG material), I read his profile and called him out on it, he said it was a joke. Good for you buddy. Well played. All of sudden, the conversation becomes X-rated, as most tinder convo’s usually do after the typical standard getting to know you questions. I am immediately turned off and start being extremely sarcastic and crude, wondering how he’ll respond. He held his own, point for you beautiful man. Then he asks about snapchat, to which I respond that “I only add friends and if you send me a dick pic I am not sending you anything back.” He says, “I don’t want anything back.” “How generous of you,” I say, bring it on. And now I’ve seen two uncircumcised penises in my life. haha.  Long story short, I am fairly certain I am getting catfished, as homeboy will only send dick pics when I’ve requested anything but that. Time will tell, time will tell. Maybe you are asking yourself why I’m even still chatting with him. If I showed you pictures, you wouldn’t ask me, trust. Plus, I’m curious if he is real or not. I have never been victim to the catfish, so I’m kind of curious. I’m really glad I watched that show on MTV or I might get myself into a relationship for 3 years without seeing his actual face (how are people that naive?? BLOWS my mind).  I will keep you updated on this saga.

Next up, we have started to search for an apartment!! WAHOO. Shit is real folks. So far we have looked at 4 places (1 definite no, 1 ehhh, 1 maybe and 1 HELL YES). We applied for the last place and are currently waiting for a response. If we get this apartment, things could be moving quickly for us. This apartment was great; decent neighborhood, 4 train stops from downtown Melbourne (train is super close), clean, air con (air conditioning unit), great kitchen (no fridge which is the norm here), decent sized living area, rooms are separated by living area, and HUGE balcony. I’m talking wrap around balcony to which I would have my own entrance to. This was what sold us. This place is also recently renovated and on the top of 2 floors (bottom is businesses), comes with a parking space and a storage cage. Keep your fingers crossed people, this could be our new home! I will also keep you apprised of this situation.

Remember a while ago when I said my friend Jill would be coming around my birthday?? Well she called this past week telling me that we might have a “now or never” type situation and she wants to come now.  She is one of my nearest and dearest, so I said ok, we can make this work. She looked at flights and they were ridiculous this late in the game. I told her, “hey I can always meet you in Bali or something.”  She looked up flights and now we are going to Bali, January 12-19th. Every Aussie goes here, sometimes multiple times a year, so it was definitely on my radar. I am paying more because of the lack of time to plan but it will be a great trip regardless. We will be spending half of our time in Seminyak and half of our time in Ubud. I also have a few friends that will be there during that time as well, so that could make for a really fun trip if it all works out.

Told you it would be a long one but hopefully a good one!!

One thought on “A time gap not a thigh gap

  1. Still newsworthy to me. Great post. Tinder bad. Bali good! Whatever happened to.meeting a good man at a bar or church or synagogue? Have fun. Stay safe love you.


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