Kuta-You Cray

Friday January 13th, 2017:  Day 1 in Legian

We woke up fairly early for Jill and I (we enjoy our rest). I find that when I’m on vacation though I will wake up earlier than normal. There is so much to explore! We put our suits on and headed by the pool to eat our breakfast. We were served eggs, toast, coffee, and fresh fruit (melon, cantaloupe, watermelon, and dragonfruit-the magenta colored one, I’m officially obsessed). Breakfast was perfect and the pool was gorgeous, probably one of the redeeming features of this place. The coffee was good too and helped me to use the shifty butt hose for the first time. I have to say I had my doubts, but once you figured it out, it was enjoyable. Although, I feel like you waste more TP drying yourself than you would actually wiping, but I’m just following the rules here.


We met Trish, an Aussie from Perth, at breakfast and enjoyed chatting with her by the pool for the morning. Brian joined us and we started to map out what we wanted to do. Arjen had advised that Gusti could be our private driver and take us around for the day to do some sightseeing. We all agreed this sounded like a good plan. Gusti picked us up at 1pm and we started our journey to our first beach, Balangan Beach. Umm, can we talk about this crazy fucking traffic here in Bali? First of all, they have signs and lights but it appears as though they are just there for show. Everyone is doing their own thing and they are on top of each other. It was insane. Literally a claim adjusters nightmare and I have to say it had me on the edge of my seat for most of our ride. Not to mention the amount of scooters and motorcycles everywhere. They zig zag in between cars like nothing. And fuck lanes, they just drive wherever there is an open spot. Never in my life have I see anything quite like that. And it was at that moment I knew I would never be driving there as well. We made it to the beach in one peace, by the grace of god. This beach was BEAUTIFUL. It was so peaceful, not a ton of people but it still had lounge chairs and a bar. We found a spot by the rocks to set up shop. Sunscreen is a must here as you are even closer to the equator and the last thing any of us wanted was to get burned on the first day. We enjoyed the scenery and got in the water a few times (it was pretty rough water so we didn’t venture too far).

We started to get hungry so we made our way back to the car as Gusti had a place we should stop for a drink. We stopped at Blue Fin for some Bintangs (the local delicious beer) and some food. The view here was top notch as well. However, the DJ must have been on break thinking he would be back in 20 minutes, because they had the same 5 songs on rotation. You know I noticed this asap. There was a hotel right next to the bar that had a pretty sweet infinity pool. There were quite a few tourists using it for their Instagram photoshoots. It was pretty humorous to watch. I think we were all hoping at least one person fell into the pool but we left disappointed.

Gusti took us to Uluwatu Temple, which is the Sacred Monkey Temple. Its located right along the coastline. It was breathtakingly beautiful. We were rocking our silk sari’s in the humid AF temple. There were masses of people there. We tried to get into the show they have but it was sold out. Brian was trying to find a back entrance but I was just trying to stay out of jail while here in Bali. In my mind I’m thinking, “Lets just lay low guys, they execute people here.” It would have been cool to see the dance but I was content walking all around the temple and finding a nice spot for the sunset. You see the sunsets here in Bali are supposed to be of EPIC proportion so I was ready. Jill and Brian had witnessed their first sunset last night and said it was pretty amazing. Well, I was ready for mine. And then the storm clouds starting making their way towards the coast and we realized that that sunset probably wasn’t going to happen. Gusti advised we leave before the show got out at 7pm so we would miss the traffic.

So we headed back to get ready for our first night out in Legian (and it was a Friday, lets get it poppin). After showers and walking around for a bit we decided to eat at Blue Ocean. It was around 9pm and when I say this town was dead, it was dead. The workers in every restaurant we passed practically begged us to come in to eat. Blue Ocean was a big restaurant with decent reviews and they had really could lounge areas with fans. We sat here since we had our pick of the whole restaurant. Brian ordered this fire drink which is more like a shot since you have to chug it through a straw while its on fire. We had really really good food here and the drinks were solid as well. I would definitely recommend this place.

We asked our waiter where we needed to go for a night out and he said, “Not here, the party is in Kuta.” Now I had read that Kuta was like the spring break area for Aussies. Since Bali is so close and a cheap destination, many Aussies go there. I was warned that this was the party spot but it was a grungy area more for younger kids. We walked around hoping we could find some cool people to drink with but literally everything was closing. We debated calling it a night but I told them that this might be one of our only chances to party since Ubud is more known for being a yoga retreat and a place to get zen. Thankfully they both agreed. We hopped into a cab and were dropped off in Kuta, our driver flailing his arms in a general direction saying all the bars were that way. This place looked equally deserted and much more creepier. We walked that direction for a good 15 minutes and saw nothing, so we looked up where to go and started walking in another direction, hoping we would find something, somewhere. Again we struck out and we had easily walked a few miles at this point. We refused to give up, so we got another cab and he dropped us of in almost the exact location that the first cabbie did. He gave the same directions, so we all agreed that maybe we didn’t walk far enough that way. So we just kept walking and walking until… HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Kuta-Vegas. I’m talking probably 10 bars/clubs right next to each other just popping with loud music and gobs of people. I think I may have actually jumped for joy. We chose a place that had happy hour from 10-3am buy 1 get 1 drinks and started our night of raging. Jill’s not much of a club person but she knows I am. I also know that she’ll do anything after enough drinks, so we started with a place she liked. After a few rounds, we made it to the loud AF club. I got us all “white pussy” shots to really set the tone. We danced like fools. Some 23 year old from Sydney hit on me in the most ludicrous way ever. He kept coming up to me with his fist almost like he wanted to fist-bump. Since I was warned to never take anything from anyone ever, I looked at him with total side eye and said, “no way man, I’m not taking anything from you. I don’t know you!” After two failed attempts, one of his friends (a blonde girl) came up to me and advised that he was merely just trying to hit on me and that I should just lay my palm out so he could finish his bit. Now I was intrigued. So I did as she asked and he opened his fist only to grab my hand in the most 23 year old way possible. He asked me if I wanted a drink and I said yes. While at the bar I told him he didn’t need to use stupid antics like that to talk to girls and that kind of shit gave up his age right away. <Kdawg schooling the young blood> I also told him to get rid of the creepy pedophile mustache he had going on. Clearly I still made out with him a bit, but then I pulled an Irish goodbye (not saying goodbye at all) escaped with Jill and Brian. We went next door where they had the 2 for 1 drink specials again and hold up….a cage for me to dance in. If you know me at all, you know I love to dance and I also like to entertain. Its in my blood and I’m fairly certain in a past life I may have been a stripper. We had found our home and I found my place in the cage. This Scottish guy was creeping real hard but once I’m in the dancing zone I’m there to dance. On our way out, I made out with him a bit but then we went our separate ways. Not my first time making out with 2 different guys in one night and I’m sure it won’t be my last. We got a cab back around 4am, all of us drunk hot messes. Thank you Kuta for a wild night out!

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