Thursday Mar 30th Uncle Brian’s Epic tour and Gilly’s
It’s funny how chipper you are after a good night of sex! Emma was like, “okay, I like this Kristin, she’s got a glow.” I’m telling you if I could just have regular sex, I would be operating at over 100%. Life is just so much better.
We had another early morning and made our way to the pick up point for our Uncle Brian’s tour. We were to be at this hostel at 8am. We got there on time, Uncle Brian’s did not. I think we were picked up around 8:30am by a spritely guy named Richie. He was worth the wait. The character on this guy was amazing. He was positive and super peppy. I loved him already. We hopped on the bus and there were a couple seats in the back so we made our way back there. The majority of the bus was young people around 20 years old, but then there was also this family of 4 (mom/dad, 2 young girls). They were also from America. but you could tell someone didn’t do their research on this trip because it was not going to be a family affair. Richie made it clear from the jump that this would be the best tour we would take in Cairns and that he would be breaking all the rules to make sure we were happy. Within the first 5 minutes of our drive, Emma and I were certain that today was going to be ridiculously fun. We ended up picking up some more people, 3 of which were some cute girls from the UK. I could tell right away that these girls were trouble, but in a good time kind of way. One looked like a bodybuilder, so I knew that she would be sizing up Emma at some point. Our first stop was Babinda Boulders where we walked in the rainforest and swam in the mountain water. Here, Emma and I started to use the GoPro and started to learn how and what we would be doing our photoshoots for the day. It was here that we started chatting with the UK girls and learned that they like to have a good time. They were also in Aus on work/holiday, but they would be traveling all over and working on farms so that they could extend their trip. I had heard about this when applying for my visa but I think I’m a little passed my age limit to a farm hand.
Next stop was Josephine Falls, which was a 3 stage rainforest waterfall that had the most amazing natural rock slide into a swimming hole. We spent a good amount of time sliding down the rocks and taking videos.
Richie tried hard to make sure everyone on “Gus the Bus” was having a good time but some of the kids (I think they were German) and the American Family (come on people, don’t be giving us a bad name!) were being so lame! We all were singing and dancing and Richie was driving like a maniac and some people were bumps on a log. Most of us were genuinely trying to get to know one another. I mean we were spending like 14 hours together, so its the least you could do. Richie even made us play some games. We had an icebreaker where we had to switch seats on the bus and talk to our new seat mate for 5 minutes. Why is it that some people don’t like chatting with complete strangers? Oh wait is that just me, the extrovert? Again, do your research people. Don’t sign up for a wild and crazy tour if you are a lame ass. Uncle Brian’s is pretty descriptive on their website so maybe, I don’t know, listen! Sheesh.
Richie even had us play this game were we had to pass a life saver mint using just a match and our mouths. Can you please take a moment to picture this being done? You couldn’t use your hands and you had to pass this mint from match to match which basically put you in a prime position to smooch whoever you were passing the mint to. I thought I was going to lose it watching that American family play. I don’t think it could get much more awkward than that. For lunch, we stopped at this tea house and had an amazing meal. We also met up with another tour group. I felt old so I can’t even imagine how that mom and dad were feeling.
I should probably mention we had a crazy loud Canadian on our bus as well. She was traveling by herself and at first she seemed pretty chill but as the day went on, she just let it all out there. She was an absolute nut. Can’t blame her for trying to have an amazing time with some new people but damn I was wondering if she could tone it down a notch. More to come on her later.
Our next stop was Milla Milla Falls, a waterfall famous for hair flips and shampoo commercials. It is a 30 meter or 100 foot waterfall and it is breathtaking. Emma and I jumped into the freezing water and made our way behind the falls. It was so loud and windy. We had decided to swim under the falls, you know because that seems like a good idea. I think it was about at this point where I realized that my swimming skills are not up to par. I can probably survive but I’m not going to the Olympics any time soon. It was a freaking struggle trying to GoPro and swim under that heavy ass waterfall. I was happy just to make it through. We spent the rest of the time taking our hair flip photos and trying to find turtles.
When Richie mentioned that our last stop was a natural hot spring, we all were so pumped. It was a long day and the sun was starting to make its way down. We had literally been in and out of water all day and Milla Mills Falls water was anything but warm. I think we all perked up a bit when he said the word hot. Lake Eacham is a volcanic crater lake over 60 meters deep. Underground pressure erupted and created this large crater that eventually filled with fresh water. It even had its own mascot, a freshwater crocodile. Richie said this croc existed but they had never seen it and that we didn’t need to be afraid, they don’t eat humans. Would you believe it that when we got to the Lake we spotted that croc right away! It was awesome. One of the guys from another tour jumped right in and tried to get to the croc. What a maniac! I wouldn’t be pushing my luck like that. Emma and I were excited to get in some warm water. Well talk about underwhelmed! This water wasn’t even close to being warm. We didn’t swim long before we jumped out to take advantage of the hot cocoa being served. We also changed at this location since they had a restroom and we knew we would be going to check out the hostel that Uncle Brian’s runs. Richie forgot the marshmallows so we had to steal them from another tour. I don’t think anyone minded. I can’t exactly have a hot cocoa without mallows, especially since they were available.
On the last run of the day, we sang the entire way back. Richie even stopped at a liquor store so we could pick up some road sodas. This was definitely not legal, but he didn’t care and we had all earned those drinks. When we got back, we dropped half of the crew off at Gilly’s, which is this ridiculously huge party hostel. It has its own bar/club. I don’t think people stayed there to sleep. It was pretty much the only bar people went to in Cairns. We had talked with the girls and decided we would meet them at Gilly’s. Might as well enjoy our last night in Cairns. Again, we didn’t have cute clothes and were just rocking what we had brought with us to the tour. Sometimes you just have to rock what you got and not give a flying fuck about it. So thats what we did and we had a ridiculously great time. Gilly’s had a pole dancing competition and I know what you are thinking. You think I entered and won like I did that time in Manteno (shout out to my homies back in the Bourb). Well I hate to disappoint but if you saw some of the chicks at this hostel, you would have refrained as well. Plus one of the UK girls kept contemplating doing it and she looked like she could do some tricks. BOY am I so glad I didn’t enter that contest or even flirt with that idea. I don’t know if strippers just spend their money on travel or what, but the girls that were in this contest were skilled. I don’t think my jaw came off the floor. And remember that crazy Canadian girl?? haha, well she entered the contest too. Except homegirl couldn’t dance or twerk so she didn’t stand a chance. We were incredibly entertained none the less. I had been messaging Cam with hopes to get another happy ending in tonight but he fell asleep early. Talk about disappointment but the night wasn’t a waste. His loss right? Emma and I danced the entire night and made friends in the UK. I also got to watch Lauren (one of the UK girls) get up on the pole and show her stuff and also her crotch…after the pole dancing contest was over. Like BIOTCH where were you when you could have won some money for our tab?? Emma and I enjoyed one too many tequila shots (Emma’s choice, certainly not my fave) at the craziest freaking hostel I’ve ever laid my eyes on. On our walk back to the car, we made new friends and tried out a couple other bars in Cairns. Nothing was really speaking to us so we found a kabob place and posted up on a grassy hill to enjoy our waters and kabobs. We talked about how much we loved kabobs and how we aren’t sure why this isn’t more of a drunk food back home. So yea, you friends in the states, find yourself a good kabob place and check that shit out. It will change your life. I was glad we had finished eating by the time we noticed this poor girl puking all over herself AND this picnic table a mere 50 feet from where Emma and I were sitting. Talk about hot mess. Eventually, after we had sobered up we made our way back to the car and returned to the airbnb for some much needed rest.