Doesn’t this plant look like a dick?

Friday Mar 31st The Botanical Garden and flight to Brisbane

We woke up smidge hungover. More so myself than Emma but it was time to find a gym and do some work. I was sluggish as fuck, but I knew it would feel good once it was over. Ya’ll I think I found the cure for hangovers! I ran for about 15 minutes and then lifted. This gym was extremely humid so I was pretty much drenched after. There were only a couple times did vomiting even enter the realm of possibilities. Which I chalk up to a win because I survived and there was no puking. Also, we managed to get into that gym for free when they wanted to charge us each $20aud. See we got here before they were technically fully staffed and the one guy working let us in and asked us to pay later when the other staff started. Well, we did some thug shit and bounced out of there separately to avoid that mess. Look I realize this is technically stealing, but I’m sorry, I think charging anything over $10… no maybe even $5 for a freaking day pass to work out is asinine. The average person probably works out for maybe an hour and I know most Americans don’t make more than $10/hour, so how are you going to do us wannabe healthy people like that gymssss?!? Also, we needed to be frugal in some areas since we were spending that money on way cooler things.


Enter flight drama here. We originally had a flight around 2:30pm leaving Cairns and arriving in Brisbane around 5pm. Emma’s bags were overweight so I wanted to pay for hers ahead of time. I attempted to do this online but then it kept making me choose a later flight as if ours didn’t exist anymore. The warning was something about it being “potentially cancelled.” I couldn’t pay for the bags without choosing another flight, so I picked the 630pm flight since that was the earliest choice.  I just assumed this had something to do with Cyclone Debbie. Eventually, I called Jetstar and they explained that our flight hadn’t been cancelled but there was a good possibility that it would be, so it would be in our best interest to keep the later flight. I like to think the best of people so we went with their sound advice, which really messed with our day considering we were supposed to return our car by noon. We ended up paying extra to keep our car which allowed us to do some more exploring. And as we explained our flight drama to our lovely airbnb host, she starts telling us how concerned she is that we will be able to do ANY of our road trip since the cyclone damaged so many of the areas we would be driving through. At this point, I’m trying not to freak out. Emma again is super chill. I start talking back up plans to which we both agreed that if we couldn’t drive our original route then we would either drive around it or we would fly to each destination. I felt really lucky to have a travel buddy that put up with my OCD crazy planner mentality. I felt a lot better knowing that we had a couple game plans if Debbie decided to really mess with our trip.

So now that we had some extra time, we made our way to the farmers market. We were both hungry so Emma got a savory crepe and I decided on a kimchi fried chicken wrap. I won this food battle. My wrap was BOMB.

We checked out this kombucha cafe across the street where Emma geeked out over some flavored kombucha on tap. I was more in awe of the guy serving it. Not sure I believe in auras, but his would have been grayish blue. And in my mind, that means super chill, but with a hint of tantric sexuality. I have no idea if that is actually what that color scheme means for aura readers. I’m going to guess its not even close. He was beautiful in the sense that I dreamt he did yoga and could have sex for hours without orgasming.  Emma was starting to realize what a sexual person I was now. She told me I was ridiculous. And I know I am. I have the sex drive of a teenage boy. It’s ridiculous and I am totally aware. But lets be honest here, my sex life ebbs and flows and I have had many a drought where I focus on other things and don’t talk about sex all the time. I had just gotten laid so now my focus was on my next conquest and reliving every amazing moment from the last time. It’s a vicious cycle people.

We still had a little over an hour to kill so we decided to check out the Cairns Botanical Garden. Did I mention how hot and humid it was here in Cairns? It was bad. Like if I could have walked around naked, I still would have been uncomfortable. We walked around that luscious garden for an hour and we both probably sweated out like 5lbs of water weight. I got to see Emma’s disdain for butterflies, which was amazing. I never thought that having a fear or disliking butterflies was a thing but apparently its pretty common. I love a garden and this one was great. I couldn’t help taking so many pictures but then you start to think about how many pictures CAN you take of trees and plants before it starts getting weird? I never felt weird guys. We decided to get some coffee at the cafe before we left for the airport.

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It was in the Cairns airport that Emma and I discovered the Surf, Dive, and Ski store. It impressed us both. I think we both bought a couple things each. I found a fabulous sexy black one piece swimsuit, the one I have been searching for my whole life (not really, just for drama). It was perfect, it accentuated my breasts and distracted from the love handles and cellulite on my butt. I had to have it. Of course, they didn’t have my size. The lady in the store was incredibly helpful and said this shop was a chain everywhere in Australia so I should check other stores. She gave me the style number and everything. It was now my life’s mission to find this swimsuit. Its good to have goals my friends.

Before boarding, we met this super nice, older man Stephen. He told us his life story which was actually pretty interesting. His wife was Australian and he was from New York. He loved and admired what Emma and I were doing. He also told me I would probably go home with a husband, so he was a basically a prophet in my book. Emma and I were on the same flight but had 2 totally different experiences. My flight went by quick as I was sitting between a young girl close to my age who was finishing up her teaching degree and an older lady about 10 years away from retiring from teaching. Given that I used to teach, I thought this was awesome. All three of us chatted the entire way and were having a ball. Emma could here us laughing from her seat, where she had to deal with some kid kicking the back of her seat the entire flight. Sorry girl, you win some, you lose some and I won that one.  During our conversation, we figured out that Jetstar was just pulling a fast one on all of us. They too, had been asked to rebook their flight. And here’s the kicker, our original flight, which all three of us were supposed to be on, was never cancelled and still took off as planned. What a kick in the face. We deduced that the airline was asking all passengers to rebook with hopes that they could cancel the flight, but some smarties must have stuck it out. Good on ya. Emma and I were both wishing that we had done the same.

We got into Brisbane around 9:30pm and called an uber to get to our bed and breakfast. It was cheaper to pick up our rental car the next morning from a different location than to rent a car from the airport (this is pretty much rule of thumb for anywhere, airport fees are no joke). Our car was a one way rental so we were already being charged a large fee for that so I figured cutting some corners elsewhere might help.  A middle aged man from Detroit named Michael picked us up. He wasn’t creepy until he started talking, which was almost immediately. Emma and I must have faces that make people want to tell their life story. His wasn’t that great. He also decided to remap our already well-planned road trip. Thanks Michael, where were you when I was doing this shit a month ago? Did he really think we would just forget about everything we had already planned to do his list? Good lord. I will give him points for taking us to the drive through though. Although, he kept trying to order for us and he was getting super frustrated when its like, pull the car forward and let us order for our damn selves. You are just the driver, Michael!

We used the code to get our room key once we arrived at our quaint little bed and breakfast. Our room was decent and we had our own bathroom across the creaky hallway. We were advised to keep quiet in order to respect the other guests. I’m going to be honest, this was my first bed and breakfast. Had I known there were going to be so many rules, I probably wouldn’t have stayed there. There were so many snacks and drinks in our room and no sign about it costing extra, so we opened up that bottle of Pinot Noir faster than we could look for the book explaining all the prices. Ooops. But it was already too late, we were keeping it classy while eating our nuggets from KFC (which is definitely better here in Aus- Emma concurs). Our room was fine, it was the decor that was off putting. There were old school mardi gras masks and then this large painting with a huge zipper stretching diagonally across the canvas. It was just odd. I don’t have pictures, I’m sorry (my snapchat followers would have seen some snaps regarding the decor). But don’t you worry, we slept fine that night because we knew that tomorrow would change our lives forever!

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